


Ghosts (The Ouija Remix)

by heyjupiter



Category: X-Men (Comicverse)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ghosts, M/M, Remix
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-09
Updated: 2014-05-09
Packaged: 2018-01-24 02:04:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1587626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heyjupiter/pseuds/heyjupiter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>James Howlett and Hercules have escaped the underworld and made it to a dimension where they can finally live together safely. The only problem is that their house appears to be haunted by a familiar presence.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ghosts (The Ouija Remix)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [pocky_slash](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pocky_slash/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Tumblings](https://archiveofourown.org/works/762550) by [pocky_slash](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pocky_slash/pseuds/pocky_slash). 
  * In response to a prompt by [pocky_slash](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pocky_slash/pseuds/pocky_slash) in the [remixmadness2014](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/remixmadness2014) collection. 



> A remix of ["ghost triptych"](http://archiveofourown.org/works/762550/chapters/2236864) by pocky_slash, specifically the third part, "Charles and Erik as ghosts." Set after the events of Greg Pak's X-Treme X-Men.
> 
> (Gosh, it looks silly to have her name 4 times in a row like that, but since "Tumblings" has so many separate ficlets in it and AO3 just links to the entire work, I wanted to make it clear which specific one this is a remix of. Anyway, I hope it's now clear: this work is for pocky_slash! But other people can read it I guess!)
> 
> Thanks very much to my excellent beta reader, destroythemeek!

"Well, there's nothing wrong with the wiring," the electrician tells them.

"I told you so," Howlett says.

"Forgive me for calling in an expert to help men whose home dimension lacks electricity," Hercules grumbles.

"Wait, what?" the electrician says.

"A joke," Howlett says. "Uh, so, if there's nothing wrong with the wiring, why do the lights keep flickering?"

"Could be neighborhood-wide brownouts?"

Hercules shakes his head. "We have conferred with the neighbors and heard nothing of the sort."

"And you replaced the lightbulbs?"

"Of course," Hercules says. "We went to the Target and purchased new energy-efficient lighting. It has not helped."

The electrician shrugs. "Hey, maybe this house is haunted."

"That _would_ explain why it was so cheap," Howlett muses.

Hercules says, "If there are unhappy spirits here, we should guide them to the next world!"

"Uh… well, I think I've done about all I can do here," the electrician says. "Maybe you should call a priest, ha ha."

"Yes! Perhaps we shall!" Hercules says.

"Okay, well… good luck with that?" the electrician says, packing up her toolbox and leaving the house with a slight head shake.

"You really think our house is haunted?" Howlett asks. 

"It would explain all the strange occurrences. And the energy… this house has a familiar energy to me. I think it is what drew me to this house. But perhaps the energy does not belong here."

Howlett shrugs. "I guess I kinda know what you mean, now that you mention it. And it ain't like ghosts would be the weirdest thing that I ever heard of. Not by a long shot."

"We should help free these spirits."

"You sure about that? Seems like we just got you out of the underworld."

"We are in a different dimension now. And I am not proposing we personally escort these spirits to their afterlife, merely that perhaps we should contact an oracle."

"An oracle," Howlett repeats. "Well, why not? Probably cheaper than another electrician."

They're unable to locate a suitable oracle, but one day Hercules comes home and reverently lays a box on the kitchen table. "James! Look what I acquired at the Target! Kitty Pryde told me of it. It is called an Ouija board, and it will permit us to communicate with the spirits."

"Huh," Howlett says. The lights flicker urgently, and the power in the kitchen cuts out completely for a moment. Then every light in the house turns on. "I guess our ghost wants us to try it."

Hercules opens the box and lays the board with letters on the table. Then he sets the planchette on the board and says, "Sit with me and place your fingers on the planchette."

Howlett joins him and for a moment they struggle to fit both of their large hands on the small plastic piece. Then Hercules says, "Spirits! We are willing to hear you. How can we assist you?" Almost immediately, the planchette begins to move under their fingers. The two men watch as the spirit spells, "GET OUT."

"I am afraid not, spirit," Hercules says. "We have purchased this home and we live here now."

"What's your name?" Howlett asks. The planchette spins madly for a moment, then spells out "XAVIER." 

Howlett sucks in a breath. "Uh oh," he says.

"This one can't be as bad as the others," Hercules says. 

"Yeah, it's already dead," Howlett says.

"WHAT OTHERS," the Ouija board spells out.

"The other Xaviers. From other dimensions. You know what, don't worry about it," Howlett says. "It's over now."

"WERE THERE OTHER MAGNETOS"

"Yes," Howlett says. "They weren't so bad, though." The planchette spins at that. It seems amused, somehow. As amused as a triangular piece of plastic can be.

"How can we assist you in moving on?" Hercules asks. "Do you require a sacrifice? Perhaps a burnt offering?"

"Maybe we could pour out a shot of whiskey?" Howlett offers.

"YOU ARE X-MEN," the spirit says. There's no punctuation on the board so it's not clear if it's meant to be a question or a statement.

"I guess so. Well, we work with them," Howlett says. They're still new in this dimension, and they haven't really committed themselves. He supposes it's probably inevitable that they'll join them, but it's still nice to have their own space. It'll be especially nice once they get this ghost out of here.

"THERE ARE STILL X-MEN"

"Yes," Howlett says. "Not here, though. I reckon this must have been your second house, or something? It's not far from the mansion, the school."

The planchette points to YES, then, spells out, "SAFE HOUSE"

"Well, now it's our safe house," Howlett says. 

The planchette rockets back and forth without hitting any letters, then spells out, "IS THERE EQUALITY FOR MUTANTS"

"Mm, not really," Howlett says. "But it's not too bad here. Not like some of the other dimensions." Hercules elbows him, and Howlett says, "What? It's the truth."

"WE ARE TRAPPED," the Ouija board says.

"Who's we?" asks Howlett. 

After a pause, the Ouija board says, "MAGNETO."

Hercules laughs. "Our house is haunted by the ghosts of mortal enemies! No wonder the lights do not function properly!"

"NOT ENEMIES"

"No?" Howlett asks.

The planchette points firmly at NO.

"Glad you got that worked out, then," Howlett says.

"WHERE ARE WE BURIED"

Howlett says, "Hmm. There's a big monument to Xavier behind the school. I think he--you--were cremated, though. And Magneto… I dunno."

"WE SHOULD BE TOGETHER"

"Are you saying you'll stop haunting our house if we get you two matching tombstones?"

The planchette points at YES, and the lights flicker to underscore their message. 

"Well, all right, then," Howlett says. It strikes him as a practical solution to an annoyingly intangible problem.

The next day they visit the school and have to convince everyone they're not insane. It doesn't take too much to persuade them, though--as Howlett had said earlier, a few ghosts weren't the weirdest thing any of the X-Men had seen. It’s harder to locate Erik Lehnsherr's remains, but Kitty uses the internet to discover that he had indeed died in the same house that Howlett and Hercules had bought, but that his remains had been claimed by Raven Darkholme.

Never ones to turn down a quest, Hercules and Howlett track her down outside of Washington, DC. She won't let them into her house, but she hears them out on her doorstep. Finally she says, "You're telling me Xavier and Magneto are haunting your house until their remains are buried together?"

"Yes, you have understood correctly," Hercules says. 

Raven sighs. "Typical. Well, I had him interred at Montefiore Cemetery. A Jewish cemetery, in New York. His grave is marked Erik Magnus. I... didn't want anyone to deface it."

"That was thoughtful," Hercules says.

"Well, his ghost is pretty insistent on being buried with Charles Xavier," Howlett says. "Do you think they'll let us move it?"

Raven shrugs. "Who do you think I am, the cryptkeeper? If you want to move his grave, that's fine by me, but I'm not going to help you dig him up."

"Fair enough," Howlett says. 

"Good day, gentlemen," Raven says, and shuts the door in their face.

Back in New York, Kitty _insists_ that they cannot just steal Magneto's body, although Howlett tries his best to assure her that it would be easy. Instead, she helps them file all the appropriate paperwork, and a month later, a cemetery employee delivers the body to the mansion. Kitty has already helped them arrange for a proper monument, and she says some Hebrew words as they re-bury him on the school's grounds.

That evening, Howlett and Hercules pull out the Ouija board again. "It's done," Howlett says. "You're buried side by side, on the grounds of Xavier's school. You want to go haunt those stones instead of our house?"

"James! Show a little respect for the dead," Hercules says. 

"I respected them enough to do what they wanted, didn't I?"

"THANK YOU," the Ouija board says, and then the planchette moves to GOODBYE and stays there.

For the first night since they moved in, Howlett and Hercules get a full night's sleep, uninterrupted by slamming doors or flickering lights. 

In bed the next morning, Howlett says, "Hope they're doing okay in the underworld, or wherever they went off to."

"They are together, and that is what matters," Hercules replies. "You know that as well as I do."

"You're a sap," Howlett says. Hercules tightens his arm around him, but says nothing to contradict his lover.


End file.
